Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Advice on giving advice

Advice (naseehah) on giving advice

Some people are unable to make a distinction between naseehah (advice) and tash’heer (exposing and criticising). As a consequence, they end up falling into major sin by exposing, belittling (ihtiqaar) or backbiting (gheebah) an individual instead of advising him.
For this reason, it’s very important that we learn how to give advice in accordance with the Qur’an and Sunnah because there is a fine line between advice and criticism. Criticism is condemned in Islam.
  • Al-Naasih is the one who gives advice (Naasihah is feminine)
  • Al-Nasheehah means advice
  • Al-Mansooh is the one who is given advice
Al-Naseehah is derived from word nasahah, which means to purify, clean or wipe away any imperfection, error or corruption. It also means khalasah, which means to be sincere. So when we say, “Nasaha Umar,” it means Umar sincerely tried to clean or correct an error, shortcoming or imperfection. Allah (SWT) informs us in the Qur’an of “tawbatan nasooha” or sincere repentance:
يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ تُوبُواْ إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحاً
“O you who believe! Turn to Allah with sincere repentance!” (Qur’an 66:8)
Ibn Katheer (RH) said that sincere repentance is, “A true, firm repentance that erases the evil sins that preceded it and mend the shortcoming of the repenting person, encouraging and directing him to quit the evil that he used to do.” So naseehah means to erase and mend.

Imam Ali (RA) is reported to have said,

النصيحة: قول فيه دعاء إلى صلاح ونهي عن فساد
“It is a word of advice which contains a call to righteousness and prohibition from corruption.”
So naseehah is closely related to commanding good and forbidding evil, yet it has its own method.
Naseehah is an obligation in Islam. It is reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:
عن تميم الداري أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال الدين النصيحة قلنا لمن قال لله ولكتابه ولرسوله ولأئمة المسلمين وعامتهم
“The Deen is sincere advice.” To whom? asked the Companions. “To Allah, His Book, His Messenger, the leaders of the Muslims, and their common folk.” (Saheeh Muslim)
“To Allah” doesn’t mean to give advice to Allah. Rather it means that you yield sincerely to Him by obeying His commands, and to purify your belief in Allah. “To His Book” means to be sincere to it, stand for it and defend it. “To His Messenger” means to believe in and emulate him. “For the leaders of the Muslims” means to obey them (if they are legitimate rulers) and advise them. “For the general masses” means to advise them and warn them from harm.
Naseehah is not the responsibility of a single person, sheikh, leader or government. Rather, it is a duty upon every individual. If you don’t give advice to the one you believe is in need of it, you are committing a sin. The proof for this is the fact that he reportedly said “The Deen is naseehah” three times. However, some fuqahaa (scholars) said that it is recommended to give advice, but obligatory to accept it. The scholars differed on the ruling of naseehah because it depends on who is giving the advice. For example, advice could be given by a Kafir, child, corrupt person, and so forth.
So what is the difference between advice and criticism?
Ibn Qayyim (RH) said:
والنصيحة إحسان إلى من تنصحه بصورة الرحمة له
“Naseehah is a charity to the one you are advising, in the form of mercy.”
So naseehah is when you sincerely wish goodness for someone and you do not want any harm or hardship to come their way. And the one who is advising must be prepared to accept any backlash.
As for the one who criticises instead of advising, he is not doing charity at all. Rather, he is picking on one’s errors and mistakes, accumulating them and then spitting them out, not out of concern or with any mercy. He says, “You did such and such,” not caring about his feelings or the effort he has made. Following the mistakes of your Muslim brother is forbidden and an evil thing to do. The Messenger Muhammad (SAW) said:
من تتبع عورة أخيه المسلم تتبع الله عورته
“Whoever follows the mistakes of his Muslim brother, Allah will follow his mistakes.” (At-Tirmidhi, Hadeeth #2032)
If the sincere advisor is insulted by the one he has advised, he would never speak behind his back or return any insults. The one who criticises, on the other hand, will begin to create public opinion about the person, whether by email, online forums or the media.
We should also be aware of one of the tricks of Shaytan, which is to praise someone in order to criticise them.
So there are two types of advisors:
  • The one who advises for the sake of Allah, in the interest of the Deen and believers. This person also needs advice, so that the advice he gives is fruitful and not damaging.
  • The one whose motive and intention are wrong, seeking to expose the one he is “advising”.
To say to someone, “You know you have a really big mouth, I’m just advising you for the sake of Allah,” is not advice. Rather, it is a form of belittling and humiliating, especially when it is done in front of others.

Causes of criticism

 

• Jahl (ignorance)
Criticising people while you are ignorant about them is very dangerous and will cause you to assume and suspect them of evil things. Allah says, “Some types of doubt are sins.”
To say, for example, these people reject the Sunnah, they don’t believe in the punishment of the grave, they don’t believe in jihad, etc. and then to publicise this and call it “sincere advice” is completely wrong. This is ignorance about a people, not advice.
Another mistake people make is to belittle others or call them fools just because they follow a different understanding of fiqh. It could be that the person had a sincere intention, but sincerity without knowledge and action is not enough and can be very damaging. As a Muslim, you should be defending your fellow brothers, even if you differ with them in certain issues.
• Doubt
If you doubt someone you will never take what he says. For example, if you have a preconceived idea that so and so is an agent working for the Kuffar, you will never trust what he says.
• Jealousy
Envy or jealousy is another cause of criticism. Envy causes one to wish for evil to befall the one he is envious of and for them to lose what they have been blessed with. For example, a brother may want to marry a sister but then he hears she is getting married. Out of envy and jealousy he starts to complain, “Why did she go for him? I’m better than him.” When he is invited to the wedding he refuses, or tries to sabotage it.
• ‘Asabiyyah
‘Asabiyyah in all its forms is a cause of criticism. A sign of this is when a person begins to hate “Hanafis”, “Salafis”, “Wahhabis” and so forth.
• Judging someone by their past
People change. But sometimes we don’t hear about it. Making a statement about someone because of something they did in the past is wrong. This is why it’s best not to mention names.

Conditions of advice

 

• First
Advice must be towards something permissible, recommended or obligatory, not haram. For example, you cannot advise someone to take a mortgage, vote for a kufr party or gamble, or go to a club.
• Second
Advice should be given in secret, one to one. It should be face to face, or at least a private phone call or email. But face to face is better because there are no emotions attached to an email or text message.
• Third
Be kind when giving advice. When forbidding evil you can be firm. But advice should be with mercy and kindness (rifq).

Conditions of the advisor

 

• Practising and trustworthy
The one who gives advice should be a practising, trustworthy, mature and sane Muslim. Moreover, he should practice what he preaches – he can’t be someone who drinks alcohol yet he tells you not to. However, if he is someone who has authority over you, he still has the right to advise you, even if he doesn’t practice when he preaches, such as the leader of the Muslims or your parents. Sometimes parents give advice based on their experiences and mistakes, so even if it appears that they do not practice what they preach, they still have the right to advise you.
• Don’t advise someone who is much older than you
It is not right for a 14-year-old, for example, to go and advise a 60-year-old person. The way you speak with your peers should not be the same way you speak with your elders, teachers or parents. You should not say, for example, “Father haven’t you prayed yet?! What are you doing?” A better way of advising your father would be to say, “Is it time for prayer yet? I need to make wudoo.” So notifying is a better way of advising those who are older than you.
• Act upon the advice
Some ulama say that it is recommended to follow advice, others say it is obligatory.
The best advice is to be told to fear Allah, but some people don’t like this advice and are offended by it. This is in fact the best advice and was even given to the Prophet (SAW), “Oh Prophet, fear Allah.”
Instead of insulting the advisor, you should make du’aa for them, because they are sincerely trying to save you from harm and mend you.

Exposing and defamation (tash’heer)

 

Tash’heer means defamation, slander or to expose an evil or haram. Naseehah, on the other hand, is an invitation to mend a defect. You cannot expose someone unless they are one of the following:
1. A ruler committing kufr or fusq
Before you expose the ameer of the Muslims you must first advise. If advice didn’t work, you should account. If that didn’t work, you can expose him. If that didn’t work, you should then raise it in court (in the Islamic state).
2. Someone apparent in fusq
The one who openly commits fusq (proudly and without any shame) and calls people to it should be exposed, such as the one who sells alcohol, or calls people to vote for kufr law. The Muslims should be warned about such an individual because he is corrupting the people and Deen.
3. Verify before you expose
If you expose someone who is innocent you will be committing a great oppression. Don’t just take what someone tells you. Verify with that person directly until you have no doubts whatsoever and there is conclusive evidence. Until then, don’t convey or spread what you hear.
4. Exposing yourself
Exposing yourself is a sin, such as by saying, “Yesterday I had a bottle of alcohol; may Allah forgive me.” Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:
“All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those which are disclosed to the people. For example a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, in the morning he says. “O so-and-so, I did such-and-such evil deed.” (Saheeh al-Bukhari, Hadeeth #6069)
However, if you did something in your jahiliyyah you can mention it in a way to praise Allah and thank him for guiding you to the Deen.

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