1. Offering a beautiful reception when entering the home, like
starting with the Islamic greeting ‘Assalamu alaikum’ with a cheerful
smile, shaking her hand and hugging her.
2. Using sweet and
enchanting speech with her ... making sure to take care of her and
making her feel special. Make your speech clear (repeat yourself if
necessary) and call her with the best of names she likes; my honey, my
darling etc.
3. Despite your workload, create time for
friendliness and recreation ... it was the practice of the Prophet
(saws) to befriend and spend time together with his wives, despite his
workload and huge responsibilities.
4. Play games and
distractions with each other ... the Hadith of the Prophet (saws)
states: “All things in which there is no mention of Allah are frivolity,
absent-mindedness, and idle play except for four things: A man being
playful with his wife, training his horse, walking between two
purposeful goals, and teaching another to swim.”
5. Assistance in
the household ... to participate and help your wife with the household
duties, like buying food, preparing food, cleaning and organizing the
house, etc. This brings happiness to the wife and strengthens your love
and relations together.
6. Consult her ... the opinion of Umm
Salamah (ra) during Sulah Al-Hudaybiyah is a well-known event. It was the
method of the Prophet (saws) to consult with his wives and friends.
7. Accompany the wife along whilst visiting relatives, and people of righteousness.
8. The manners of travel and leaving the wife behind ... if you can’t take her with you, offer her a warm farewell ... leave her with sufficient means and money. Ask trustworthy individuals to look after the needs of your family in your absence ... ask her to pray for you ... be in touch with her often ... minimize your travel to what is necessary and bring her a gift when you return. Try not to return at night or at an unexpected time.
9. Financial support ... be
generous in your household spending (within financial capabilities).
Good financial support (not wasteful) tends to stabilize marriages.
10. Good smelling and beautification ... Allah is Beautiful and
He loves beauty and cleanliness. Always be clean, neat and adorn
perfume. Ibn Abbas (ra) said: ‘I love to beautify myself for my wife as
much as I love her to beautify herself for me.’
11. Intercourse
... it is the duty of the husband to suffice his wife with her emotional
and sexual needs and desires... perhaps once every time the wife is
pure but be considerate of her physical and physiological health.
12. Genuine care ... the Muslim husband should be very caring and
sentimental towards his wife. The wife goes through various
physiological and psychological changes ... she is in need of a cheerful
smile and genuine care to wipe away her pain and her low feelings.
13. Guarding the privacy of marriage ... it was narrated in the Hadith
of Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudry (ra) that the Prophet (saws) said: “Verily among the
worst of people in status before Allah on the day of Resurrection is the
man who goes to his wife and she comes to him for sex, and then he
divulges her secrets (of the bed).”
14.
Working together in the
obedience of Allah: pray collectively together and engage yourselves in
activities of worship, like offering generous donations, ‘dhikr’, and
praying at night ‘qiyam-ul-layl.’ The Prophet (saws) says: “May the
mercy of Allah be upon a man who wakes up
at night to pray and wakes his wife up to pray with him, and if she
refuses he splashes water into her face.”
15. Show respect to your wife’s family and her friends.
16. Educate your wife about Islam and offer her your advice.
17. Admirable jealousy.
18. Patience and softness with the wife ... control your anger and
always give her the benefit of the doubt, and advise her whenever she
does mistakes.
19. Forgiveness and appropriate criticism where applicable.
20. To be a genuine Muslim husband and to apply all of which you have read and understood with wisdom.
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