Marriage and the involvement of one’s Parents
Marriage is no longer as simple as it used to be, despite it being a very simple and easy contract in Islam. All that is technically required is permission from the male guardian (father, brother, maternal uncle, grandfather or a trustworthy Muslim brother/Imam in-case of no male guardian) of the bride, two trustworthy witnesses and a dowry from the groom to his bride.
However, young Muslims nowadays, who are eager to practise the Deen and safeguard their chastity, find it extremely difficult to get married at a young age because of the widespread shirk, nationalism, kufr, un-Islamic traditions, sectarian ideas and secularism which have affected their communities over the last 80 years or so, ever since the destruction of the Islamic state.
It is important to understand that obedience to one’s parents is obligatory in general, particularly when it comes to fulfilling their rights. And it is true that, “The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. And the anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent,” as ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (RA) said. (See Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Hadeeth #2)
However, this does not mean that you have committed a sin every time they get angry with you. For example, your father may ask you to buy a lottery ticket or take out an interest-based loan from the bank; if you disobey him in this situation it would be a good thing and you will be rewarded by Allah, even if he becomes angry and upset.
Similarly, if your parents try to encourage you to marry someone of their choice, you have the right to refuse because marriage is your right, not theirs. And it is not a sin to disobey them in this matter, even if it makes them angry. Especially if they wish for you to chose a non-practising Muslim and base him only on his nationality, education and job.
So if you have received a proposal or want to marry someone who has been given a good reference in terms of their character and commitment to the Deen, this is the person you should go for. Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: