How to Love your Spouse in Ramadan?

Ramadan is a Month when we all rightly associate with it sacredness, worship, seclusion, reflection, devotion, purity and such. While all this describes the essence of Ramadan, some of us begin to think that the intimacy with our spouse should come to a halt or at the least be reduced in Ramadan. Loving our spouse should be the "last" thing in our mind and that it is least expected, by our spouse and by Allah Himself. To clear this misconception we must first grasp a good understanding of what love and intimacy means. Rest assured, it is not just limited to physical closeness as we begin to assume. Love is vast. And its signs are various. Its stages are many. And its kinds are plenty.

When we address "love" in this article, we are talking about "that" kind of love, love which is for the sake of Allah... Not the natural human inclination towards one's spouse. Because it is only this kind of love which is pleasing to Allah and which is beneficial for both of you in this world and next. It is this kind of love that is praiseworthy in Islam so much so that the Prophet (saws) said that one who loves the other for the sake of Allah will taste the sweetness of Faith (Imaan). There are two other kinds of love too, the natural love (which even the animals have for each other) and the excess love which makes one commit Shirk, hence blameworthy.

Therefore, it is the "Love for sake of Allah" that we should look forward to enhance in our marriage. And Ramadan is the best time to nurture that love. But the question remains... With all of the physical and spiritual exhaustion in Ramadan how does one nurture this intimate relationship? Believe me, it doesn't get easier than in Ramadan.

Know that Islam has honored wives. Wives played a critical role even in the life of our beloved Prophet (saws). That is why the Prophet (saws) is recorded to have said about the Mother of believers, Khadijah (ra), "I was nourished by her love." Khadijah (ra) was not just "any" wife. The Prophet (saws) said about her that she was the best woman of her time and also that she had perfected her Faith. That's the clue! Islam does not praise just any woman or any Muslim wife, they must be righteous (as-saalihaat). Saalihaat are the ones who deserve to be admitted to Paradise (by the Mercy of Allah) for their righteousness in Duniya. So, now, you know what is expected of you as a Wife. 

The Prophet (saws) said, "Among the treasures of this world, the BEST treasure is a Righteous Wife." (Sahih Muslim)

So what does a righteous wife do? How is she towards her husband? What she wishes for her husband?

I remember reading a profound statement recently. It said, "A righteous wife is the one who treats her husband like a King but reminds him that he is a Slave of Allah". In simple worlds, it means she fulfills her duties towards her husband, pleases him all the times WHILE making sure that he does not forget the purpose of this life which is to serve Allah.

Having said ALL of that, now, let us see how a Wife can display her sincere love for her husband for the sake of Allah during Ramadan...

1. Making him know the virtues of fasting in Ramadan and the blessings of this month.

2. Preparing for him his favorite Iftar dish before he asks you to make it. Although, the wife should avoid exaggeration in cooking and preparing Iftars, for that distracts one from the true purpose of Fasting.

3. Taking care of his needs and not neglecting him.

4. Encouraging him to recite and learn more and more of Qur'an. Qur'an is one of the greatest means to get closer to Allah.

5. Encouraging him to perform other various good deeds.

6. Showing extra concern for him while he is fasting, like keeping the room cool for him during hot days.

7. Waking him up for Tahajjud and letting him lead you in Salah.

8. Making sincere du'aa for him for his duniya and Aakhira in privacy.

9. Having conversations about Paradise and how you both will Insha'Allah be united again as spouses.

10. Not keeping him pre-occupied with unnecessary things such as excessive shopping.

11. Appreciating him for his good deeds and not mocking or looking down upon him if he is unable to do as much as you are.

12. Fulfilling his sexual desires after the breaking of Fast, even if it's too late for you! Let him know that you will be there for him whenever he needs to be (intimate). Just because he does not say it, it does not mean that he does not desire for it. He may be just hesitant.

13. Showing acts of affection such as a warm hug or a kiss on his forehead or hands during the day.

14. Respecting him by always being "present" for him. Love is not a substitute for Respect. Obey his commands as quickly as possible.

15. Advising him when you see him falling into a sin and reminding him to fear Allah.

16. Teach his children to make du'aa for him.

17. Preparing yourself for Eid for him (ALONE) by wearing good clothes, using his favorite colors and beautifying yourself by Halal means. Do not display your beauty on Eid day (or any other day by the way) except to your husband. When he sees that you look so beautiful but you still are hiding your beauty from strange men then there will be a sense of honor and respect for you in his heart. Hijab or pardah only beautifies the wife in his husband's eyes.

18. Not burdening him financially for Eid celebrations. Be content with whatever he gifts you and wherever he takes you and thank him for it. 

May Allah grant us all blessing in our marriages, grant us love for each other which is for the sake of Allah, make us a blessing for each other rather than trials and unite us with our spouses and our beloveds in Jannah. Ameen.