JEWELS
OF 60 ADVISE FOR
HUSBAND AND WIFE
BELOW NOTES TAKEN FROM USTADH ABU BARAA'S (HAFIDHULLAH) CLASS
And
among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves,
that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and
mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. (Ar-Rum
30:21)
And from
these (angels) people learn that by which they cause separation between man and
his wife, but they could not thus harm anyone except by Allah's Leave. And they
learn that which harms them and profits them not. And indeed they knew that the
buyers of it (magic) would have no share in the Hereafter. And how bad indeed
was that for which they sold their ownselves, if they but knew. (Al-Baqarah
2:102)
1 – Short
separations can strengthen marriage; long separations can harm marriage.
2 – Need
to understand each others nature.
3 – Don't
allow arguments to continue from one day to next day.
4 – Avoid
talking about previous marriages or divorces or relationships.
5 – Avoid seeking perfection from partner.
6 – You
should convey your love and affection regularly (privately).
7 – Be
optimistic.
9 – Always try to keep your disputes within a small circle.
10 – Don’t entertain suspicions and doubts.
11 – Implant self confidence in your partner, encourage them.
12 – You should make yourself compatible with your wife/husband.
13 – Keep yourself clean/well groomed.
14 – You need to sometimes compromise in permissible matters.
15 – Look after your partner they way you look after yourself.
Narrated by Anas ibn Malik (RA) that the Prophet (SAW) said: “No one of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Al-Bukhari (13) and Muslim (45)]
16 – Understand marriage is two ways. Need to understand each others rights.
17 - Know what man is looking for in woman and vice verse.
18 - Don't takes any issues too seriously and overreacts.
19 - Live each day as it comes, spend accordingly to your means.
20 - Appreciate that marriage is a serious thing.
21 - You can’t just rely on love; you need to also do your duty.
22 - Let them see your good personality.
23 - Don't allows other people to interfere in your marriage. Solve things amongst yourselves.
24 - Don’t be in a hurry to correct your partner.
25 - Accept your duties with full satisfaction and content heart.
26 - Avoid arguments and disputes as much as you can.
27 – Co-operated with each other and do things together.
28 - Allow your partner to express themselves and listen to them.
29 - Financial rights must be respected.
30 - Don't keep offloading your sadness or troubles on your partner.
31 - Beware of allowing your friends to interfere even if they are advising you.
32 - Make your partner feel they are the ideal person you always wished for and you admire their personality.
33 - Remember your partner’s good qualities and don’t be occupied with the bedroom.
34 - Keep asking yourself what you find attractive about each other, what happy occasions have you spent together, what you enjoy doing together, what you do to show you care love and respect each other and what common goals to you have.
Narrated Abu Sa'id al-Khudri: Once Allah's Messenger went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) on 'Eid-al-Adha or al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, "O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women)." They asked, "Why is it so, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you." The women asked, "O Messenger of Allah! What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?" He said, "Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?" They replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?" The women replied in the affirmative. He said, "This is the deficiency in her religion." [Sahih Bukhari (1/68) No. 304]
35 - Avoid using hateful speech/language.
36 - Exchange gifts to increase love.
37 - Choose right time to demand your rights.
38 - Don't let shaytaan enter, swallow your pride.
39 - Don’t ignore your partner, seek their advice, and consult them.
40 - Don’t leave or run away from your disputes.
41 - Don’t bother your partner with lots of questions.
42 - Don’t leave your partner just to be alone unnecessarily.
43 - For the wife that works, remembers your first duty is your household, so accommodate both in the best way.
44 - Don’t show anger when your in laws come to visit and welcome and be warm with them.
45 - Respect and dignify your mother inlaw and call her names she likes to be called and dignify your partner in front of them.
46 - Deal with the neighbours with good manners and good deeds.
47 - Persisting in your difference of opinion will separate your hearts.
48 - You can create good atmosphere at home by giving them beneficial things to do.
49 - Your children are a blessing; don’t let them be miserable because of you.
50 - Learn about the way children develop and deal with it accordingly.
51 - Be a strong support for your partner in matters of deen (Islam) and worship.
52 - Extravagance corrupts marriage and makes blessing of Allah disappear from you, so be wise with your dealings.
53 - Happy marriage doesn't mean you don’t argue, but you solve them together and don’t allow the arguments to interfere.
54 - Beware of any arguments in front of children.
Abu Huraira (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger said, “Every child is born on the religion (of Islam). Then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian or a polytheist.” Someone said, “O Messenger of Allah, (what about) those who die before (their parents convert them)?” He said, “Allah knows best what they would have done (if they had survived).” [Al-Bukhari (6599) and Muslim (2658)]
55 - Don’t reveal your household secrets to others.
Asma’ bint Yazeed, who said that she was with the Messenger of Allah (SAW), when men and women were sitting with him, and he said: “I think there are some men who talk about what they do with their wives, and that there are some women who talk about what they do with their husbands.” The people stayed silent. [Asma’] said: “Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, [women] do that and [men] do that!” He said, “Do not do that, for it is as if a male devil met a female devil in the street and had intercourse with her whilst the people were watching.” [Musnad Ahmad (Vol. 6 p.456) No. 27624]
56 - Avoid boredom by making changes in the home.
57 - Make it a habit to call them by a name they like to hear.
58 - Don’t let your wife feel she is not important or significant in the house.
59 -Beautify yourself with what your partner likes you to wear.
60 - Learn the Islamic etiquette's of listening to each other.
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