As humans male or female, we all want to be cared for and loved, occasionally needing the odd hug or shoulder to cry on in times of hardship or sadness. Unfortunately, we live in a society today that is corrupt to say the least, but is also one that even Muslims wish to look up to, especially when it comes to the opposite gender. It has become the norm to walk down the street and see couples walking hand in hand with each other, oblivious to the world around them. Intimacy is something cherished that should be kept behind closed doors and not flaunted in the street, and it is sad to see Muslims as the victims of these corrupt ideals.
You only need to walk through the streets of London, Birmingham, Manchester etc. to see boys and girls walking freely alongside each other, working out where to go for lunch or what film to watch in the cinema that evening. Eid day is the most disheartening; on a day when Muslims should be spending time with their families dressed modestly in a halal environment, you see them in their hoards in limousines creating more pollution with the sound of Indian music blasting out the windows. Inside, a handful of male youths are being lured by a girl or two who have taken the opportunity of this blessed day to spend time with their boyfriends, half dressed in something that can barely be passed off as a clothing.
The Muslim woman is a treasured pearl who should be elevated and protected. However, she has become a victim and slave to Western society, which dictates that it is abnormal not to have a boyfriend. If she hasn’t lost her virginity by the age of 14 she is seen as an outcast, so she allows herself to be dishonored by a man before she even knows how to think for herself. Allah says in the Qur’an, ‘"And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a fahishah (a great sin) and an evil way." [17:32]
So why then do Muslims engage in such sick practices? Anyone reading this may think, ‘I have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I’ve never slept with them. I would never do that, that is just wrong’, but the Messenger (pbuh) described the different types of fahishah and that which leads to it. He (pbuh) said, ‘Zina is lustful glances which constitutes zina of the eyes; listening (to flirtations etc) is zina of the ears; lewd speech constitutes zina of the tongue; the lustful grip of the hand becomes zina, and the movement of the feet is likewise [Bukhari and Muslim]
It is clear from the above hadith that even the holding of a hand, or less than that, an innocent look constitutes zina, and opens the gate for disobedience. Islam, being divine and from Allah, nips all problems in the bud and does not pave the way for sin, as is evident when the Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘Whenever a man is alone (in khalwa) with a woman, the devil makes a third’ [Tirmidhi].
How many cases have there been when a woman has cried sexual harassment or even rape after being alone with her employer? What about those numerous cases of female teachers who had intercourse with teenage male students and were impregnated and consequently arrested for paedophilia? Closer to home, how many young Muslim girls have had abortions because, ‘one thing led to another’ with their boyfriend. Had they obeyed Allah and not put themselves in such a situation, they would not have had to face such consequences.
The Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a piece of iron it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman whom it is not permissible for him to touch.’ This is the importance of keeping distance from the opposite gender.
So how is it possible for a person to be loved you may ask?
Desire is something that is innate within all of us. Allah has created humans with feelings and emotions that adhere to the natural disposition (fitrah) of each individual. He says, ‘And We have created you in pairs’ [78:8], and the Messenger (pbuh) said, ‘O young people! Whoever among you can support a wife should marry, for that is more modest for the gaze and safer for your private parts.'
Here we can see that from the moment we feel a desire, we should get married. It may be a big thing, especially for someone so young, but is it not better than the punishment of the Hellfire for committing zina? Of course, you would look for a good Islamic spouse, not just the average Joe who is looking to get married. Marriage is half of our deen, so we should choose a husband or a wife who can take us to Jannah and not Hellfire.
Allah says, ‘And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find quiet of mind in them and He put between you love and compassion" (30:21).
Allah puts love between husband and wife – so it is not necessary for anyone to ‘date’ their future husband as is the trend, particularly in the Asian community. An engagement ring on the finger does not mean that a boy and a girl are married, as they are not bound by that engagement – rather the only way they are bound is by the nikah (Islamic marriage contract).
So it must be clearly understood, that marriage is something beautiful loved by Allah. It is a bond between two people and the best environment in which to raise children. It is not something that should be neglected nor delayed, for this is something that Allah’s dislikes.
And what can be better than pleasing Allah who created us from nothing, and to whom we will return.
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