How can a heart which is connected to Allah, a heart that knows Him and has tasted the pleasure of being close to Him, find pleasure or comfort in looking at nude pictures, watching pornographic movies or stealing surreptitious gazes at what is unlawful? Thus, everyone who has fallen into one of the sins related to sexual desires, or returned to it after repentance and abandoning it, has been dragged to this state due to the weakness of his faith. Weak faith facilitates the way to his soul which is a persistent enjoiner of evil, as well as to the accursed Shaytaan, and thus he was trapped in the swamps of sexual desire after being firm for a long time in the gardens of faith.
Faith in Allah is the shield against falling into prohibitions, second only, of course, to the guidance of Allah. The Prophet (saws) said: "The adulterer is not a believer at the time he commits adultery." [Al-Bukhari]
Thus, when faith inhabits the heart, dominates the feelings, and flows to the organs to lead them to the pleasure of Allah, the person will not dare to think of committing an act of disobedience. The eye will not dare to look at what is prohibited, nor will any part of the body dare to disobey the commands of Allah. Building faith in the heart is not easy; however, the one who insists on knocking on the door will be let in eventually.
This is a modest attempt to help you on your way to strong faith, which destroys the desire that may have humiliated you and caused you to suffer one calamity after another. It involves the following steps:
Strengthening one's fear of Allah
Allah says: "But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from (unlawful) inclination, Then indeed, Paradise will be (his) refuge." [79:40-41] Fear of Allah is the real deterrent that prevents you from falling into the clutches of desire, not just the fear of scandal or the fear of diseases. In Madarij As-Salikeen, Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim said, "When fear of Allah dwells in the hearts, it burns the places of desires in them." Below is a practical program that helps to strengthen the fear of Allah in your heart:
1. Remembering death often:
The more we remember death, the softer our hearts will be and the greater will be their fear of meeting Allah. As we are always committing sins and misdeeds, to remember death constantly, you have to do the following:
- Visit the graves: Make a weekly plan or a plan every two weeks to visit the graves since visiting the graves reminds one of the Hereafter. The Prophet (saws) said: "I had forbidden you to visit the graves; now, you can visit them, for it softens the heart, makes eyes shed tears, and reminds of the Hereafter." [Imaam Tirmidhi (Saheeh)]
- Washing the dead and accompanying funerals: The sight of a dead body being turned in the hands of the washer greatly softens the heart and implants fear of Allah.
- Writing one’s will and always looking at it: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: "It is not permissible for any Muslim who has something to will to stay for two nights without executing a written will with him." [Al-Bukhari] Writing a will and looking into it from time to time keeps you mindful of death.
- Remembering the agonies of death and watching the dying people.
2. Writing down and counting your sins:
The Muslim remembers the sins that he has committed with his body. He remembers the sins of the tongue, like backbiting and tale-bearing, the sins of the eye like looking at what is prohibited, the sins of the private parts like masturbation, etc., and the sins of the heart like arrogance, pride, envy, and others. Thus, the Muslim should remember his failure to carry out his religious duties and the rights of others upon him, which include being dutiful to parents, maintaining kinship ties and others. He should bring to mind his negligence in acts of worship, such as lack of humbleness and concentration in worship, abandoning voluntary acts of worship, and failing to attend congregational and Friday prayers.
After you have written down these sins, also write down the blessings of Allah that He has bestowed upon you. Then, make a comparison between the blessings that Allah granted you and the sins that you defy Him with night and day. This is sure to fill your heart with fear of Allah, that He might punish you for your sins.
Performing acts of worship regularly and perfectly
Faith requires words, deeds, and belief in the heart, and acts of worship serve as the fuel of faith, which cause it to increase or decrease. This is because faith increases by obedience and decreases by disobedience.
This is a recommended schedule for acts of worship:
- Do not miss congregational prayers in the Masjid, especially the Fajr prayer. This is a sure test of whether you can get rid of this problem from your life. The more you perform the Fajr prayer at its due time, the clearer it becomes that this problem is not deeply rooted in you.
- Observe voluntary prayers after the obligatory ones. These voluntary prayers are twelve Rak‘ahs every day and night, guaranteeing the one who performs them a house in Paradise. They are four Rak‘ahs before the Dhuhr prayer and two after it, two after the Maghrib prayer, two after the ‘Ishaa' prayer, and two before the Fajr prayer.
- You should perform the voluntary Witr prayer prayer at night, even if they are one or three short Rak‘ahs.
- In all these prayers, always try to evoke the heart in prayer and encourage your body to be humble as much as possible. This is because prayers forbid immorality and bad conduct, and listening to a lecture on humbleness and concentration in prayer may help with that.
- Give greater care to performing ablution and try to contemplate on its inner dimensions. With every drop of water coming down from your body, Allah forgives the sins committed by that part of the body. Think, while performing ablution and with the water dripping from your face, how Allah is forgiving your gazing at and listening to things that are prohibited, and how He is forgiving your watching pornographic movies or sites. When the water drips from the fingers of your hands, Allah forgives you for all the prohibited actions you did with them, whether they were masturbation, browsing pornographic sites, or other sins that involve your hands. When the water drips from your feet, Allah forgives every place to which your legs moved to, for example to a date with a girl, or to obtain a new lewd movie from an evil friend.
- Live in this state when you perform ablution and be completely certain and expect everything good from Allah. If you believe that He will forgive you, He will certainly do so. Allah says in a Qudsi Hadeeth: "I meet as much expectations of My Slave as he expects of Me (i.e. I am Able to do for him what he expects I can do for him), and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me within himself, I will remember him within Myself, and if he remembers Me in an assembly, I will remember him in a better assembly. If he draws one span nearer to Me, I will draw one Thiraa’ (64cm) nearer to him; and if he draws one Thiraa’ nearer to Me, I will draw the distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I will go to him running." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim (this is the narration of Al-Bukhari)]
The Muslim remembers the sins that he has committed with his body. He remembers the sins of the tongue, like backbiting and tale-bearing, the sins of the eye like looking at what is prohibited, the sins of the private parts like masturbation, etc., and the sins of the heart like arrogance, pride, envy, and others. Thus, the Muslim should remember his failure to carry out his religious duties and the rights of others upon him, which include being dutiful to parents, maintaining kinship ties and others. He should bring to mind his negligence in acts of worship, such as lack of humbleness and concentration in worship, abandoning voluntary acts of worship, and failing to attend congregational and Friday prayers.
After you have written down these sins, also write down the blessings of Allah that He has bestowed upon you. Then, make a comparison between the blessings that Allah granted you and the sins that you defy Him with night and day. This is sure to fill your heart with fear of Allah, that He might punish you for your sins.
Performing acts of worship regularly and perfectly
Faith requires words, deeds, and belief in the heart, and acts of worship serve as the fuel of faith, which cause it to increase or decrease. This is because faith increases by obedience and decreases by disobedience.
This is a recommended schedule for acts of worship:
- Do not miss congregational prayers in the Masjid, especially the Fajr prayer. This is a sure test of whether you can get rid of this problem from your life. The more you perform the Fajr prayer at its due time, the clearer it becomes that this problem is not deeply rooted in you.
- Observe voluntary prayers after the obligatory ones. These voluntary prayers are twelve Rak‘ahs every day and night, guaranteeing the one who performs them a house in Paradise. They are four Rak‘ahs before the Dhuhr prayer and two after it, two after the Maghrib prayer, two after the ‘Ishaa' prayer, and two before the Fajr prayer.
- You should perform the voluntary Witr prayer prayer at night, even if they are one or three short Rak‘ahs.
- In all these prayers, always try to evoke the heart in prayer and encourage your body to be humble as much as possible. This is because prayers forbid immorality and bad conduct, and listening to a lecture on humbleness and concentration in prayer may help with that.
- Give greater care to performing ablution and try to contemplate on its inner dimensions. With every drop of water coming down from your body, Allah forgives the sins committed by that part of the body. Think, while performing ablution and with the water dripping from your face, how Allah is forgiving your gazing at and listening to things that are prohibited, and how He is forgiving your watching pornographic movies or sites. When the water drips from the fingers of your hands, Allah forgives you for all the prohibited actions you did with them, whether they were masturbation, browsing pornographic sites, or other sins that involve your hands. When the water drips from your feet, Allah forgives every place to which your legs moved to, for example to a date with a girl, or to obtain a new lewd movie from an evil friend.
- Live in this state when you perform ablution and be completely certain and expect everything good from Allah. If you believe that He will forgive you, He will certainly do so. Allah says in a Qudsi Hadeeth: "I meet as much expectations of My Slave as he expects of Me (i.e. I am Able to do for him what he expects I can do for him), and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me within himself, I will remember him within Myself, and if he remembers Me in an assembly, I will remember him in a better assembly. If he draws one span nearer to Me, I will draw one Thiraa’ (64cm) nearer to him; and if he draws one Thiraa’ nearer to Me, I will draw the distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I will go to him running." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim (this is the narration of Al-Bukhari)]
- Keep reciting the morning and evening Adhkar (words of
remembrance) and remember Allah often in general. This is because if
the tongue is busy with the remembrance of Allah, it will keep the
mind and heart busy with it; thus, the Muslim will not find time to
think of something other than Allah.
- You should read a portion from the Quraan every day with reflection and humbleness, even if it is a single page.
- Start memorizing the Quraan gradually; it is the best thing to help you overcome this problem. This step is also one of the most important signs of success of the cure, like performing the Fajr prayer. If you find yourself memorizing the Book of Allah easily, without difficulty, this is also an indication that desire does not control your heart. This has happened to a large number of young people.
- Supplicate Allah at all times. Allah becomes angry with the Muslim who does not supplicate Him. Say the following blessed supplication that the Prophet (saws) used to say as much as you can. He (saws) would say: "Allahumma inni as'aluk Al-huda wat-tuqa wal-‘afaafa wal-ghina (O Allah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity, and self-sufficiency.)" [Muslim]
- You must give charity, particularly giving charity in secret as it extinguishes the anger of Allah. Give charity every day; it does not necessarily have to be a large sum, but give it according to your capacity. Perhaps one Dirham of such charity may outweigh one thousand Dirhams.
- Fasting every Monday and Thursday. The Prophet (saws) said: "O youth, whoever among you who can afford the expenses of marriage let him marry, and whoever does not afford it let him fast, for it is a shield for him." [Al-Bukhari] However, let your fasting be ‘real’ in order to achieve the effect mentioned by the Prophet (saws) in the Hadeeth that fasting would be a shield and a means of protection and prevention for you.
True fasting is not only abstaining from food and drink, but also abstaining from lust, sins, and misdeeds throughout the fasting period. Do not say, “I am fasting”, when you do not feel something is changing in you. The problem here is not in the fasting itself; the problem is with you. The same thing happened with the Prophet (saws) when a man came to him and said, "My brother has a stomach ache." The Prophet (saws) said to him: "Let him drink honey." The man came for the second time and said, "The honey increased his stomach pain." The Prophet (saws) said the same thing to him. This happened three times and the fourth time, the Prophet (saws) said: "Let him drink honey." The man replied, "The honey increased his stomach pain." The Prophet (saws) then said:"Allah has said the truth, but your brother's stomach has told a lie." So, he made him drink honey and he was cured. [Muslim]
Attachment to the Hereafter:
Free yourself from the capture and constraints of this life and rush to Paradise that is as wide as the heavens and the earth which contains all that the souls desire and delights the eyes, and in which you will abide eternally. Indeed, it is folly to sell gold for dust, and to sell the beautiful Hoors (celestial maidens), who have not been touched by humans or Jinns, for a woman, no matter how beautiful she is in this worldly life. Now come with me and enjoy listening to the Hoors, of whom the Prophet (saws) said: "The wives of people of Paradise sing to their husbands in the best voice one has ever heard. Their songs include: 'We are good and beautiful, the spouses of noble people; and look with comfortable eyes.' They also sing, saying, ‘We are immortal and never die; we are secured and never fear; we are those who abide with their husbands and never leave them.’" (At-Tabarani) [Classified as Saheeh by Al-Albani]
- You should read a portion from the Quraan every day with reflection and humbleness, even if it is a single page.
- Start memorizing the Quraan gradually; it is the best thing to help you overcome this problem. This step is also one of the most important signs of success of the cure, like performing the Fajr prayer. If you find yourself memorizing the Book of Allah easily, without difficulty, this is also an indication that desire does not control your heart. This has happened to a large number of young people.
- Supplicate Allah at all times. Allah becomes angry with the Muslim who does not supplicate Him. Say the following blessed supplication that the Prophet (saws) used to say as much as you can. He (saws) would say: "Allahumma inni as'aluk Al-huda wat-tuqa wal-‘afaafa wal-ghina (O Allah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity, and self-sufficiency.)" [Muslim]
- You must give charity, particularly giving charity in secret as it extinguishes the anger of Allah. Give charity every day; it does not necessarily have to be a large sum, but give it according to your capacity. Perhaps one Dirham of such charity may outweigh one thousand Dirhams.
- Fasting every Monday and Thursday. The Prophet (saws) said: "O youth, whoever among you who can afford the expenses of marriage let him marry, and whoever does not afford it let him fast, for it is a shield for him." [Al-Bukhari] However, let your fasting be ‘real’ in order to achieve the effect mentioned by the Prophet (saws) in the Hadeeth that fasting would be a shield and a means of protection and prevention for you.
True fasting is not only abstaining from food and drink, but also abstaining from lust, sins, and misdeeds throughout the fasting period. Do not say, “I am fasting”, when you do not feel something is changing in you. The problem here is not in the fasting itself; the problem is with you. The same thing happened with the Prophet (saws) when a man came to him and said, "My brother has a stomach ache." The Prophet (saws) said to him: "Let him drink honey." The man came for the second time and said, "The honey increased his stomach pain." The Prophet (saws) said the same thing to him. This happened three times and the fourth time, the Prophet (saws) said: "Let him drink honey." The man replied, "The honey increased his stomach pain." The Prophet (saws) then said:"Allah has said the truth, but your brother's stomach has told a lie." So, he made him drink honey and he was cured. [Muslim]
Attachment to the Hereafter:
Free yourself from the capture and constraints of this life and rush to Paradise that is as wide as the heavens and the earth which contains all that the souls desire and delights the eyes, and in which you will abide eternally. Indeed, it is folly to sell gold for dust, and to sell the beautiful Hoors (celestial maidens), who have not been touched by humans or Jinns, for a woman, no matter how beautiful she is in this worldly life. Now come with me and enjoy listening to the Hoors, of whom the Prophet (saws) said: "The wives of people of Paradise sing to their husbands in the best voice one has ever heard. Their songs include: 'We are good and beautiful, the spouses of noble people; and look with comfortable eyes.' They also sing, saying, ‘We are immortal and never die; we are secured and never fear; we are those who abide with their husbands and never leave them.’" (At-Tabarani) [Classified as Saheeh by Al-Albani]
Dear brother and sister, listen to the description of
Al-Hoor by Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim where he says, “When she appears the
beauty of her face shines like the sun, and light shines from between
her teeth if she smiles. When she meets her beloved husband, then say
whatever you will regarding the meeting of two lights! When she talks
to him, what do you think the conversation of two lovers would be?
When he embraces her, what do you think the embracing of two branches
would be like? If she were to be revealed upon the worldly life, she
would fill what is between the heavens and the Earth with a beautiful
scent, and the creatures would not help glorifying, praising and
exclaiming the greatness of the Creator, and everything between the
East and the West would be adorned for her, and every eye would be
shut from everything but her, and the light of the sun would be
outshone, just as the light of the sun outshines the light of the
stars, and everyone on the face of the earth would believe in the
Ever-Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists.
“The cover on her head is better than the world and all that is in it, and her contact with him is more pleasant than her best wishes. She does not increase with age except in beauty and with living except in love and union. She is free from pregnancy, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine, stool and other filthy things. Her youth never fades and her clothing is never worn out. The garment of her beauty is not ragged, nor does the sweetness of her companionship become boring. Her affection is restricted to her husband, so she desires none but him, just as his affection is restricted to her so she is the sole object of his desire and wish. She pleases him when he looks at her; she obeys him when he orders her; she guards his honor when he is away from her. He is with her in utmost safety and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn. Whenever he looks at her, she fills his heart with happiness; whenever she talks to him, she fills his ears with eloquent and well-versed words as beautiful as a chain of pearls; when she appears, she fills the palace and room with light; when she sings, she is a delight to the sight and hearing; when she amuses and entertains, how great the amusement and entertainment are; and when she kisses, nothing is more desirous to him than this kissing.”
After all of this, you allow a soul which is a persistent enjoiner of evil or a weak devil to make you attached to a passing desire and transient pleasure and to give up all this beauty! Respected brother, be sure that the more your faith increases in your heart, the weaker the power of sexual desire will be over you. Therefore, have determination and perseverance, for, by Allah, there certainly is no better endeavor you do than the endeavor to draw close to Allah and attain His pleasure.
“The cover on her head is better than the world and all that is in it, and her contact with him is more pleasant than her best wishes. She does not increase with age except in beauty and with living except in love and union. She is free from pregnancy, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine, stool and other filthy things. Her youth never fades and her clothing is never worn out. The garment of her beauty is not ragged, nor does the sweetness of her companionship become boring. Her affection is restricted to her husband, so she desires none but him, just as his affection is restricted to her so she is the sole object of his desire and wish. She pleases him when he looks at her; she obeys him when he orders her; she guards his honor when he is away from her. He is with her in utmost safety and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn. Whenever he looks at her, she fills his heart with happiness; whenever she talks to him, she fills his ears with eloquent and well-versed words as beautiful as a chain of pearls; when she appears, she fills the palace and room with light; when she sings, she is a delight to the sight and hearing; when she amuses and entertains, how great the amusement and entertainment are; and when she kisses, nothing is more desirous to him than this kissing.”
After all of this, you allow a soul which is a persistent enjoiner of evil or a weak devil to make you attached to a passing desire and transient pleasure and to give up all this beauty! Respected brother, be sure that the more your faith increases in your heart, the weaker the power of sexual desire will be over you. Therefore, have determination and perseverance, for, by Allah, there certainly is no better endeavor you do than the endeavor to draw close to Allah and attain His pleasure.
This is excellent, dear sisters!
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