Magazine ads and television commercials vie to influence us on beauty, but what is the true standard to be judged?
The Prophet Muhammad, (pbuh) once said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." (Bukhari).
So with this hadeeth (saying of Prophet) in mind, what is the importance of lowering the gaze? Well, most importantly, it helps guard our modesty. Some may argue, "What is the harm in looking?" But, having that second glance does a lot more harm than they may think. But before we look at the harms, let us go through some of the benefits of lowering our gaze.
First and foremost, it is Islamic conduct. It is an obligation on us to do and if we do, Allah will reward us for it. But as most of us know by now, sometimes it is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes we even do it unwittingly, catching ourselves in the act. In fact, and unfortunately, it is almost impossible for us not to run into something haram (prohibited) while just living our average lives.
You cannot even go to a supermarket without being bombarded with illicitly sexual images, most of which are on the verge of being pornographic. It is on our televisions; it is in the newspapers we read, and wallpapered on the Internet. It is even in the cartoons our kids watch. Advertisers use sex because it sells, and have long pushed the margins of decent using of non-sexual products like rice, gum and shampoo to promote sexual images squeezed into a 60-second commercial. There it is, everywhere you look.
No doubt, this makes quite a challenge for all of us. Every direction we turn our heads are drawn to haram. So, how can we face this challenge? Do we immediately turn our heads and say "AstaghfiruAllah!" Or, do we pick up the magazine and skim through it, waiting our turn at the checkout? Do we say "AstaghfiruAllah!" and change the channel? Or do we say "AstaghfiruAllah!", but keep on watching?
For those who are not married, these things will only ignite their temptation and lure them into the haram. It can even affect their future marriage by giving them unrealistic expectations of their husbands or wives. Those images are not what real people, everyday people, look like-and we all know that. Many images used in magazine ads are known to be airbrushed to perfection.
Unfortunately, it still gets engraved in our heads as the "ideal" look. Then, when a man or woman looks for a husband or wife, they subconsciously have these images in the back of their minds and actually feel disappointed when they do not find it. There are people who have postponed and even canceled the whole idea of marriage because they could not find the physical look they were searching for; and that is a very shallow thinking indeed.
For those who are married, lowering the gaze can significantly strengthen their relationship. By not looking, you signify that your options are completely closed except to your spouse. This can eliminate jealousy, hence, less fighting and resentment towards one another. Knowing that your partner lowers his or her gaze builds a tremendous amount of trust and relief.
It is also worth mentioning the great harm in looking at these things, and what it does to a person's self esteem. It needlessly occupies our minds and time either by continuously trying to look a certain way or just crying about why we do not look like that. It did really hurt when I asked an eight-year-old girl why she did not finish her food, and she responded that she was on a diet. And when I asked why was she on a diet? Her reply was, "to look "pretty".
But where did an eight-year-old girl get the idea that prettiness is equivalent to skinniness? Who said that a woman is beautiful only if she wears a size four? Evidently, this society has made that judgment. But, what is so bothersome is that society rarely tells here that beauty is how a person acts, not how a person looks.
This is a reality, and the main reasons why many people are so depressed that they need to see a therapist or take medication. Brothers and sisters, we have the medication. It is not at your doctor's office, nor is it at your local pharmacy. It is right there sitting on your bookshelf; it is the Qur'an and Sunnah [tradition of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]. This is our cure.
The haram is out there-it is inevitable. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it." (Bukhari).
We cannot lock ourselves up in our homes for the rest of our lives, to do so would be unreasonable and impossible. We have school, work, errands and social lives. Our job is to go to school and work, run our errands and live our lives while demonstrating the best Islamic behavior possible.
To lower our gaze and look away day after day takes a great deal of willpower and dedication that only a sincere Muslim has. It also requires that we have a lot of faith and love for Allah and His Prophet (pbuh). We can learn to look away; and, it is a choice we make everyday.
While we look, we should also remember that Al-Baseer, the One who is the All-Seeing sees all that we do. It is to Him, more than our spouse or ourselves, that we owe our utmost in conduct and sincerity of heart. May Allah give us the power, strength and love to help us follow His commands.
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